Sunday, February 10, 2019

My Reaction to Being Treated Like A Lady

I was floored.  I have been so long in the world of just being mom, a piece of furniture...whatever that I didn't know what to do.

What am I talking about?

My son is looking for a home to call his own. A friend of mine is selling his 2-acre lot so we toured the property and went out to eat to discuss possibilities.

Said friend is 72, single, and just about as old fashioned as it gets.

He opened doors for me. I didn't know if I should be insulted, amused, or grateful so I said thank you.

He paid for lunch.  I said thank you again.

He took off his hat in my presence, remained standing until I was ready to sit then pulled my chair out to seat me, then he asked me to bless our food.  Bless the food? Seriously? Ok, I'm at fault for that, I'm so used to eating at home by myself that I had started to forget what eating in the company of others was all about.  Even when the family is home, we don't all eat at the same time or even in the same room.

I said thank you again when he seated me.  At this point, I was feeling pretty lame. Who says thank you this often in under 30 minutes?

Even when I was in my younger years and dating, this didn't happen.  I didn't know what to do. I was flustered, floored, and suddenly feeling like a human being for the first time in years. Aware of myself, in an odd sort of way. Recognized as being present in the room, the human being who'd gotten lost somewhere along the way

Then that sarcastic thing that hides out in my brains said "hey dummy! NEWSFLASH!!! You're being treated like the lady you're supposed to have been all these years."

I just forgot how.

Not how to be a lady. . . ok, maybe slogging through ice-cold streams before dawn, crawling under trailers after toddlers who escaped out the door, or digging in soffits to retrieve wayward kittens, or wading into muddy flooded fields, or even trying to help the hubby hook up the bush hog to the tractor only to be tossed head over heels into the grass isn't exactly ladylike, I'd just become one of the guys.  I'm not even squeamish over baiting my own hook or handling the fish I caught, killing it is a different story...digressing...

I felt awkward. I wasn't raised to be prissy and delicate.  Sure, I have manners. But I was raised to stand on my own two feet. Hold my head up. Not be dependent.

I get that some people are never going to appreciate folks who are using manners, because 'feminism'...or something.

I do appreciate it.

So when someone pulls my seat out for me or opens a door for me...well, I'm not insulted, just reminded, being treated like a lady isn't being dependent or implying patriarchy or whatever the insult to feminism is these days, it's called manners and respect.  People need to get over themselves.

After getting over my initial shock at remembering who I am, I find the gesture refreshing.

Even if awkward, but only because I don't know what I'm supposed to do in response.

Time for some etiquette refreshing I suppose.

Where's Miss Manners when I need her?  Does she even still exist these days?

Edited to Add (7/18/21) The image that is stuck in my head, the stark memory is that this gentleman held my hand as I asked the blessing then held my hand like it was the most precious thing on earth afterwards.

Pretties, Pendants, and Baubles oh my.

Coming soon, video directions for ALL pretties below

Personal size terrariums for a little corner of your room or office
or wear it around your neck.

Recycled pour paint keychains

Recycled pour paint pendants

Resin and gold/silver leaf pendant

More recycled pour paint pendants (try saying that 3x fast)

Pour paint pendant using recycled paint from the canvas pictured here

Homemade vanilla bean extract in golden rum

Personal space cleansing pendant

Rose shaped polymer clay earrings

Monday, September 24, 2018

Bullet Proof Coffee

I hang out in the social media crowd. You know, the facebook groups who commiserate with each other over dieting fails and offer up nutrition advice which ultimately ends up a bully pulpit and the original question is lost somewhere in the melee.

Case in point, I asked for some salty crunchy snack ideas on a group whose name included LOW CARB HIGH FAT. The general consensus when one is snacking mindlessly is 1)boredom 2)lack of self-control 3) genuinely hungry and needs to up fat intake.

 I'm not bored.

I sleep all day because I work 3rd shift, therefore, missing 2-3 meals a day so I am lacking self-control because I'm actually pretty hungry. My go to is always a BPC to tide me over till I can figure out what I want to eat, but I usually end up snacking on convenient items like Ritz crackers or cheeze its.

When I mentioned that I was sipping on a Bullet Proof Coffee, I was immediately set upon.

"Why are you drinking an oil slick?"
 Me: cuts cravings and helps things move along if you catch my drift.

"Step away from all the fat, caffeine, and calories!"
Me: Caffeine I understand, but I work 8pm to 3 am I kinda need it. Fat...hello low carb HIGH FAT way of eating HIGH FAT = HIGH CALORIES

"You need to eat a protein bar!"
Me: A protein bar? PROTEIN BAR? Where the hell do you find a protein bar that isn't laden with calories and CARBS, HELLO LOW CARB high fat way of eating.

"Drink a diet coke instead!"
Me: Wait, what happened to no caffeine and since when does low carb high fat diet encourage diet soda? Last I looked diet soda was heavily frowned upon as the artificial sweeteners in it are a) believed to be carcinogenic and b) actually cause hunger

When someone offered some good ideas like "Pork rinds" the chick who bawled me out over drinking the oil slick returned fire telling her that pork skins have too many calories and fat and are nutritionally empty calories. The woman who said "pork rinds" shot back "She asked for snack ideas, not nutrition expert advice."

I thanked her just before many other women in the group piled on her too

Next advice "Pepperoni chips and almonds."
Again shot down by oil slick girl for no nutritional value and lots of calories, not to mention too much salt.

Someone else said 'popcorn' and was immediately set upon as being too ignorant about the low carb way of eating to be offering advice.

I felt bad for her.

She was new and learning the ropes. It was uncalled for.

By this time I'd had enough and deleted my post.

I asked for snack ideas.

How hard is that?

Where do people get off being so rude and intolerant toward others who are learning?

Or so full of themselves that they genuinely can't see how disrespectful they are toward other people who ask simple questions.

What is wrong with people these days? .

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Rude Young Folks And the Revenge of Time

I volunteer at a food bank.  There are a lot of folks who come through every week like clockwork. A couple of the older men like to grab a quick hug, same for a couple of the women. They're single. They have no children or are estranged from their children, and yes, they are very lonely and depressed now that they are staring at the end of their lives with no one there to stand at their side. Coming to the food bank, for many of them is the only social contact they have.

I get a lot of compliments. There are days I look like something the cat played with but didn't quite kill and they think I'm Miss America. 

Says a lot for their eyesight doesn't it?


This past Monday, one of my favorites hugged me and noticed my hair had been 'did' and he said Ï love your hair like this, all the curls show up and it looks so soft and pretty."
 I smiled and said 'thank you.' and he finished with his usual Ï love you, you're so pretty.'then went on his way.

The 11 year old young lady sitting beside me, allegedly helping me, more like hindering, frowned and said "You're too old and fat to be pretty."

Her grandmother smacked her behind before I could process what she had just said.

After I regained my thought processes I turned to her and said "You do realize that there will come a day when you are my age and quite possibly my size if you have a couple of children, and especially if you continue eating the way you do now after you have said children."

It was now her turn to be speechless for a minute, mostly because she was swallowing the cookies she'd been eating on the whole time.  Her grandmother chimed in "Änd if you live to be my age. You will find Miss Melissa to be the prettiest thing ever."

Little Miss frowned again because grandma just sided with me.

All this got me to thinking

What do I find attractive?  You know, I never noticed one of the gentlemen, and he is a gentleman, didn't have teeth until someone else pointed it out to me.  He stutters a bit, I really hadn't noticed it either, because I don't pay attention to physical things. I laugh and joke and hug and pay attention to the other things like heart and soul and character.

I notice eyes, not the 500 lbs of weight they're carrying around.  eyes tell me a lot more about the person than the weight does. Eyes tell me the story of how that weight got there, or the scars, or if they're sad or happy.

I see the cast on their arm or leg or wheelchair before I notice the condition their clothes.

I see the huge pregnant belly and no one to help her carry her groceries in the food bank.

I go out of my way to make sure I know their names, the names they want to be called by not the one on the appointment slip.

Are they pretty or handsome? Heck if I know. I think they all are. Even the grumpy ones who smell like alcohol, pot, and or sewer. Not my place to judge.

I'm a Christian.

I am called to love them all.

I am told to not judge.  Hard to do at times, and I regret the times I did judge, because I was wrong.

This young lady who told me I'm too old and fat to be pretty, is just young, I know that, which is why I shrugged her off.

People need to chill, enjoy other folks for who they are, their differences, and stop worrying about politics, and whose religion is right, because, in the end we all end up dead. Within a year or so of our deaths no one remembers anything about us, except our family, and even that fades in time. 

That's the ultimate revenge here.  Time.  It's a thief and it takes its toll on everything. Memories of loved ones and not so loved ones fades. Beauty fades. Everything goes away and starts anew at the same time.

Enjoy the life you have now.

Sunday, September 10, 2017

It's after midnight and...

I can't sleep because apparently I'm awake in someone else's nightmares. So while I'm terrorizing them I'll just play with my tee shirt designs, that I officially suck at, but at least I have something to show for an hour's worth of effort, right?

See, somewhat productive, so there.

Weight loss is at a stall. Per usual.

So what to do?

Issue a Carb challenge, that's what.

If you don't have a FatSecret account go set one up now then find me. I am Melissa4869.

Once I know I have a couple of people onboard for a challenge then I'll design one on fatsecret.

For now, I need to go to bed.

Friday, September 1, 2017

How you can HELP with Harvey Pet Rescues

(Blogger note: The cutie patootie in this picture is not in need of rescue, he's my fur baby, but isn't that just the prettiest sit ever?)

This rescue near and dear to my heart and desperately needs help as they take in as many rescues from the flooding in Texas.

Big Fluffy Dog Rescue needs


Metal Food Bowls


Indestructible toys like Kongs of all sizes, she respectfully requests no stuffed animals

If you would rather donate money to cover the expenses of animals who are injured or sick coming out of Texas and there are vets travelling with her as they pull dogs out of the afflicted area
this is her website then follow the links

Her mailing address is
196 Jefferson PK
LaVergne TN 37086

If you're in the area, she needs help with walking the dogs and quite possibly fosters, applications are on her website as well.

I know y'all can find a blanket or two you don't need or use...right?